Self Esteem and Success. That is what we will be spending our time talking about today. There aren’t many topics that get as much attention as self esteem. In every parenting book, every teaching book and every leading book ever we have this topic of self esteem.
The one perspective in which we have to baby people to make sure that they don’t fall into low self esteem. We treat low self esteem like the plague and our remedies are just as bad as the long dead doctors that killed their patients.
Today we will put the focus not on self esteem but on how self esteem mashes with success I break down the traits associated with both and show you how they either hold you back from success or lead to it.
There are two types of self esteem we will cover high and low. We both know what low self esteem is and that is why I will focus on high as well so that you have a holistic view of self esteem.
Since this article is titled “why self esteem is important to success” it makes since that we talk about success. In this article we are going to say that success is achieving a big hard goal. Something that you hold dear and near in your heart and you think it is worth putting up substantial effort in order to get.
Most of the time when it comes to goals like these there are fast lanes and slow lanes. The fast lane is when you use the experiences and or knowledge of others in the place of your own to boost you and make you get to your destination faster.
For example if I wanted to become the greatest cook to have ever lived the earth. I can go on the slow lane of reading cookbooks and cooking everyday of the week for the next 5 years and maybe then I will become number one.
Or I can go on the fast lane. I can find someone who has what I want(the greatest chief in the world) and learn directly from him. Watch him cook and then imitate him. See what he prefers and ask him why he does things that specific way. With time I will become much better and than when the 5 years are up I will have surpassed he who walked the path alone.
The reason that I learned faster on the fast lane is because there was someone who tells me if I am making a mistake than I can adjust and not dig myself deeper.
In this article I will show you self esteem in the context of whither or not it is holding you back. Whether or not it is making you crawl or walk faster.
High Self Esteem
This is the type of self esteem that few of you have. Maybe on a good day you fall under this branch but I doubt it.
Healthy self esteem is defined by the individual’s ability to trust their judgement and a deep feeling that no matter what they can cope with the challenges that life will bring them. This confidence stems from their life experiences. They sit realistic goals and are proactive. The most important aspect though is that you can criticize them and they will not blow a fuse.
That is a long list of traits and we will dive into the most important ones.
Trusting Their Judgement
You can’t teach someone how to do this. It is like driving a car, you learn through action. Although if you are given the blueprint it becomes much easier. Trust comes from the belief that the outcome will be favorable and that you will not get screwed over.
To trust your judgement it has to be right. If you don’t think it is right than it is going to be causing you a whole host of problems and the primary one is that you will not trust it. Being decisive is the hallmark of a great leader and everyone who is decisive trusts their judgement.
There isn’t any doubt. No hesitation and if you were to ask the decisive person what they expect they will tell you success.
People with good self esteem set realistic goals. This is by far the best way to build self esteem and the reason why you people with high self esteem get even higher self esteem.
Here’s what happens when you set realistic goals. You achieve them. Not only do you achieve them but you feel good because that goal was challenging. This makes you trust your ability to set and accomplish goals. That leads you trusting yourself and ultimately building self respect because you know that you can make stuff happen.
Small wins matter precisely because of this reason. That reason being that you snowball because of your initial wins. You win once you feel good. You win twice you feel better. You win three times you become hungry. You win four times you think you are good. You win 5 times you are good. You win 6 times you are the best. You win 7 times, who dares challenge me?
This is a trait that only people with high self esteem have. There’s a reason that you have to be politically correct in the west. Peoples egos are like boxes that have that fragile sticker the only difference being that one is insured while the other isn’t.
People with healthy self esteem take criticism well. They lean back and ask you to explain; they don’t think that you are a sleaze bag for telling them that they have flaws. They acknowledge that their are areas in their life in which they are terrible and other people telling them so doesn’t change anything.
Low Self Esteem
This is a group of people who are more sensitive than the hairs in my nose. They get offended quickly and their ego is a Frankenstein monster that is stitched together. You probably have low self esteem. You are probably a 4 on a scale of 1-10 and that is why you need my help.
Don’t worry I will make sure you don’t feel like complete garbage. I will add in enough encouragement to make sure that one vein on your forehead doesn’t explode.
On to the topic at hand. Low self esteem.
Low self esteem makes it harder to succeed. Much much harder. Here is why.
- Expect Failure
- Destroy your sense of self
- They set goals that are too small
- Huge list of escape mechanisms and strategies
Those who are cursed with low self esteem expect failure. I mean how will you win if you want to lose. It is so obvious, but the most profound truths are usually lying their right under our noses.
Here is why they expect failure. They think that they don’t have the tools to face life. They are not confident in their ability to navigate the world and ultimately get what they want.
And this belief in their lack of skill has caused them many problems the primary one being they think they can’t win. I mean they aren’t that wrong. They wouldn’t win even if they took a miracle drug that convinced them that they will win. They wouldn’t.
When they fail they will tell themself I told you so. Success is processed by many failure. Every chessy stand up speaker says that but I am going to add my own twist to it. Effort + Failure + Faith = Success.
A Mud Story
Here is what I mean. If I believe that mud can be made into something that tastes wonderful and I try over and over again to make it into something that tastes good I can do it.
My first couple of attempts should turn out to be horoundus. It will taste vile and make anyone who drinks it regret it. This is to be expect but what I do next dictates whether or not I will be successful.
The first type of person would taste the soup and see it for what it is. A disgusting vile concoction whose primary function is to bring pain and misery to those unfortunate enough to drink it.
This person would disown the soup and make sure that their name isn’t associated with it. They would drop their ambition telling themselves that they tried and failed. These people are indifferent to failure in the sense that they really don’t care whether or not they reach their goal.
When it comes down to it their goal of creating a delicious mud soup was something they come up with in the moment and as such hold little value when looking at it from hindsight.
The second type of person is not in touch with reality. They look at the soup and see a failed creation, in their mind is something that taste amazing and since clearly this isn’t it they disregard it and begin to ponder on how they can take their mud and transform it into something good.
They also disown the first iteration. They go back to the grindstone and start again this time altering the process. Once they hit upon something that they like they now add additives. Such as salt, pepper, onions and parsley.
They slowly refine their mud soup until it becomes something that tastes good. When they reach this stage they are usually satisfied. Only the perfectionist continue onward. They continue to refine and distill with every passing iteration they get closer and closer until one day many months later they land upon the recipe. The right recipe that transformed plain mud into a delicacy that soothes the belly and transcends it earthly origins.
The point of that extended analogy is that for most goals if you stick with it for a long period of time and consistently work through the slog you will reach a point in which you achieved that goal.
Destroy Their Sense Of Self
What do I mean? When a low self esteem person looks at themselves they don’t like what they see. They feel ashamed and guilty and then feel ashamed for feeling ashamed. The target of these feelings are themselves and so a toxic relationship with the self is formed.
It is not unheard of for low self esteem people to hate themselves.
Why You Need Self Esteem
To succeed you have to be self assured. You have to believe in yourself because that is by far the best way to get other people to believe in you. Studies show that 93% of communication is done non verbally.
This that your body and the inclinations and slight tonalities of your voices is communicating your message. This communication is authentic for the most part. It is true that you can change it and to some degree you have influence. Yet to act confident you have to know what that looks like, sounds like and accurately represent it.
That is no easy task. There’s a reason why some actors are paid millions while others struggle to make ends meet. Faking body language is a very difficult thing and thus you should assume that you don’t have this ability.
Of course some people will be deceived most will get a gut feeling that you aren’t telling them the whole story. They will sense this and all credibility goes out the window.
What I am trying to say is that being self assured aka self confident isn’t something you can fake the best way to act this way is to simply open the door. Let the your belief structure speak for itself and if you are truly confident it will seep from your every gesture and like oil it will flow.
Then now your question becomes how do I become self confident. Worry not dear traver for that is an article that is still in the works.
The Last Three
I am going to lump these three together because they all reflect the same thing. These three reasons prevent you from getting stuff done.
To succeed you are going to have to dedicate years of time to something and slowly watch as your creation comes to life. You will paint it with three colors and watch as with every stroke your genius becomes self evident.
Yet it takes time. That is an important part of the puzzle and everyone who knows anything about anything will tell you. Without hard work aka action you will not get anything. The last three prevent actions in three different ways.
There are two primary origins for this weakness( Not being able to be productive). One a weak mind or two a lack of drive.
Lack Of Drive
I am going to address this one first because quite honestly it is so often misrepresented. You don’t fix a lack of drive by getting high off of inspiration.
Drive is always there. From the days you are consumed by your demons to the nights that you stay awake in blissful ecstasy your drive is their. It is bottomless and the only thing that changes is how much of it you are able to access.
Different people are driven to do different things. When you think of your goal do you feel an all consuming compulsion to achieve it? If the answer is yes than you have drive if the answer is no than you don’t have drive for this specific goal.
Drive is deeply emotional and you create it by telling yourself stories. The more you ingrain who you are with this goal the deeper and more powerful the drive will be. When you reach a point in which who you are and what you do become so closely related that to separate one you have to destroy the other you have the strongest form of drive their is.
Now you should know whither or not you have drive.
If you have drive and are still procrastinating and are lacking action than your mind is weak. At this point your primary goal should be to make your mind strong. To build the habits and the will to get what you want.
Tying The Knot
So much I have compacted into this article it is a little bit unfocused but the concepts I have tried to communicate are as follows.
- Success is achieving a big meaty goal
- High Self Esteem is someone who is
- Trusts Their Judgement
- Set Challenging Goals
- Takes Criticism With Grace
- Low Self Esteem
- Self Sabotage: To succeed easier you have to get out of your own way
- Expect Failure: The don’t stick with things and thus they fail
- Destroy Their Sense Of Self: Don’t become self confident because of themselves
- Lack Of Drive: Are Weak Mentally Or Lack True Motivation
These are the points I have made and are roughly outlined in the post above. I will be making follow up post that expand on these points but for now this is what you get.
Use it, learn it and if you have any question ask away. I will get to you…. Eventually.